Christmas Joy
by TheBrazilianBenson
Summary: It's Christmas day, and Tucker has some surprises for Olivia and Noah. Holiday Tuckson fluff with a dash of Barisi!


_I'm in the Christmas spirit, and what better way to spread holiday cheer than with some fluffy Tuckson fanfiction? This is my first story, so please review or message me if you think I should write more or if you have other story ideas for me!_

Olivia sat in front of a shimmering tree, green and red lights blinking on and off as she watched Noah carefully line up his new racecars. Santa had been very good to him this year. She felt a little guilty for splurging like she did, but it was all worth it to see the bright smile on his face when he woke up to a pile of gifts next to his stocking.

"Mommy. Red."

"That's right, red!" Olivia gave Noah the biggest smile she could muster as he placed a bright red bow on top of one of the cars. For a three year old, the festive wrapping paper and ribbons were just as exciting as the presents inside.

If only it was that easy for grown-ups to have a merry Christmas, she thought to herself. She had done everything she could to make the holiday season perfect for Noah. They decorated the apartment, made sugar cookies, and watched Frosty on DVD almost every night. She wanted to give her son the memories that she never had, full of family traditions. But something wasn't quite right. Ever since she was a little girl, she dreamed about being part of one of the families she saw on TV and in magazines. She was so close to having it all, but there was one important piece missing. Those families always had children, a mother- and a father.

Olivia worked hard to prove to everyone that she could give Noah a good home even as a busy single parent. He was thriving, but she never wanted to raise her children on her own. Noah deserved two parents who loved him and a father who he could look up to as a strong, honorable man.

Her dream had almost come true thanks to Ed Tucker. Who knew that the lieutenant who seemed so gruff and cold could be so gentle and affectionate? They had been on a few dates, and even stolen a few kisses, but last winter she wasn't completely sure where they stood. She knew she had a complicated life and a past that sent most men running away. But then when her life was on the line with a gun pointed to her head, Tucker did something no man had ever done before. He didn't run away; he ran toward her. He was able to take charge of the situation and keep negotiating until she could make her escape. Later on, he would tell her how terrified he had been the whole time. He would've never forgiven himself if she got hurt, but he knew he couldn't let his fear get in the way of protecting her.

After that, she was the one who was afraid. Who would want to be with her now that she had one more new trauma under her belt? The answer wasn't what she had expected. She had seen the steely all-business side of him while she was held hostage, but afterwards he gave her more comfort and compassion than she ever dreamed he was capable of. He showed her that she was worthy of love despite her past and that he was as determined and fearless when it came to loving her as he was in life or death situations. Even as more curve balls got thrown their way, like temporarily being stripped of their jobs and then losing Dodds in a horrible tragedy, every trial only made their relationship stronger.

While their feelings for each other grew, so did the bond between Noah and Mitter- his mashed up version of Mr. Tucker. She had been nervous before introducing the two of them. What if Noah didn't like him? She didn't want to have to make that choice, but her son would always be her first priority. What if Ed didn't like Noah? He and his wife had split up when his daughter was an infant, so he never had the chance to be very involved in her life. Olivia worried about what would happen if Noah bonded with him only to have Ed decide that raising a child wasn't for him.

It turned out that all her anxiety had been for nothing. Noah was a little hesitant at first, as he always was around new people, but Ed was patient while her son warmed up to him bit by bit. He was so good about getting down on Noah's level to talk to him and showing interest in all his toys and games, and it wasn't long before the two of them were sitting on the living room rug playing with dinosaurs and building towers with blocks. Noah loved having a new playmate and Ed didn't mind at all. "It feels like I'm making up for everything I missed with Rachel," he told Olivia. "Besides, the little guy keeps me young."

"You mean, gives you an excuse to drive toy trains," she had said. Sometimes she wondered if it was Ed or Noah who had more fun when they played together!

The three of them had also had a wonderful holiday in Paris that summer. Olivia was so grateful for the chance to step back and catch her breath while relaxing with her two favorite people in a beautiful city. Sharing a hotel suite, having three meals a day together, and going on all sorts of adventures with each other gave Olivia a glimpse of what life could be like for them as a real family.

Their vacation couldn't last forever, though. They went back to the city and back to their busy lives. Olivia was swamped with her duties as lieutenant, Ed was spending long hours learning the ropes at his new job, and Noah was starting to fall behind his preschool classmates. Outside of work, Olivia started having more nightmares and struggled with her sadness over Dodds' death. She also felt guilty about Noah's problems and blamed herself for not being a good enough mother to her son.

Ed did everything he could to help, holding her through her nightmares and giving her a shoulder to cry on when she needed one. He would take Noah on special outings to the park or an ice cream parlor so that she could have a few hours to herself for a long bath or a cup of tea and a good book. When she couldn't get out of a court appearance to make it to Noah's parent/teacher conference, he even stepped in to take her place. He took lots of notes so he could remember everything and he specifically asked what he could do to help Noah work on his language skills. After that, Olivia noticed how he made it a point to read at least one story to Noah every time he came over.

When she told him that she worried that their happiness wouldn't last, he said "not if I can help it." He had lived up to his promise. Sure, he wasn't perfect, but she knew he was putting 100 percent of what he had to give into their relationship.

If only she could say the same about herself. As the days wore on and her stress level rose, she found herself falling into her old habit of pushing him away. They didn't fight often, but she would make excuses not to see him, and even when they were together she kept him at arms' length emotionally and physically. He was his usual stoic self on the surface but she knew him well enough to see the hurt written across his face. She had a real chance at everything she'd ever wanted, and she was throwing it all away. She had the love of a good man who wanted a family with her, but she was putting up walls that were too tall for even him to climb.

Which is why he had finally told her, his bright blue eyes full of sadness as he spoke, that maybe they should take a break. He said that she needed to focus her energy on herself and her son. He didn't want to end the relationship, but he could tell that she needed some time and space, and he was going to give it to her though it killed him to be apart from her. She had been so overwhelmed that she couldn't even speak, so he had gently kissed her cheek and promised that he would be in touch.

That was a week ago. They had exchanged a couple of brief text messages since then, like when Olivia sent him pictures from Noah's school Christmas pageant, but nothing more serious than that. She wanted them to be able to really talk, but her work schedule had been packed and every free moment she had went into making holiday memories with Noah. She had given him almost everything a preschooler could want for Christmas- sugary treats, a colorfully decorated house, and more presents than he knew what to do with. He had asked about Mitter a few times and pouted when she explained that he was busy, but overall he was having the best Christmas ever.

At least one of them was, she thought to herself.

The smell of his favorite chicken and mashed potatoes was enough to get him to put down his cars long enough for dinner. For dessert, there was a chocolate cake that they had baked together the day before because Noah insisted Santa would want a piece.

She was stacking dishes in the sink and trying to clean off Noah's sticky hands as he started singing the chorus to Jingle Bells. "You too, mommy!"

Olivia gave him another big smile, one that didn't match at all with what she felt inside, and sang along until they heard a knock on the door.

"Mommy, who dat?"

"I don't know, pumpkin. Let's go see." She wasn't expecting any visitors today, because everyone she knew was either working a holiday shift or spending time with their own families. Maybe Barba had had too much of his boyfriend's family and was coming over to get away from the Carisi house?

It wasn't Barba she saw when she looked through the peephole. It was Ed, holding a shopping bag and wearing a Santa hat and fake beard.

"I think it's somebody here to see you, Noah," she said as she opened the door. His eyes grew wide as he took in the man standing in front of him. "Is that Santa?"

Noah was silent for another moment, then suddenly broke into loud giggles. "That's Mitter!"

"You're too smart for this!" Ed said, crouching down and tickling a shrieking Noah until he gave the older man a big bear hug. He ruffled Noah's hair and looked up at Olivia to explain. "I promised him a visit from Santa. I did my best."

"I think you're missing the suit," she said, pointing to his red windbreaker and jeans.

"Lieutenant, you got any idea how hard it is to find a Santa costume this time of year? I had to improvise."

"We're just happy to see you no matter what you're wearing," she promised him a little wistfully. "I thought you were going to visit your mom?"

"I already did. Came back to the city early so I could stop by here and keep my promise to Noah- if that's okay?"

When he stood back up, she took the chance to give him a warm hug and to her relief, he hugged her right back. "Of course it is. We're always glad to see you. Are you hungry? We still have some cake."

"No, I'm all right." He looked down at Noah, who had dumped some wrapped packages out of the shopping bag he'd brought in. "Looks like he's gone straight to the good stuff. They're all for him, and one for you. He can open 'em now if he wants."

"Noah, you're not supposed to tear into the presents like that. It's not polite." He stopped and looked up at her with a sad face, so she rolled her eyes and sat down with him and Ed on the couch so he could unwrap his gifts.

The first present was a little sweatshirt with the hood decorated to look like a shark, including white felt teeth around the edges. "I know how tough it is for you to get him to wear a jacket. So I thought maybe it could help if it was more like a costume."

"Looks like you might be right," Olivia said. Noah had already draped the hoodie over his head and was making shark chomping noises as he reached for the next gift, which turned out to be a large toy shark that spit water out of its mouth when you squeezed it. "Oh boy. Look at that."

"Now, that's only for you to play with in the bathtub. Promise?" Ed asked, and Noah nodded back with a serious look on his face.

The last gift wasn't wrapped. It was a simple white envelope which Olivia helped Noah open, and then he reached in to pull out three pieces of paper. "Mama what dis?"

"Let's see, pumpkin. It's- tickets to the aquarium! Where the sharks and the fishies are."

She looked over at Ed, who she could tell was trying to hide his discomfort. "I got tickets for the three of us, but I understand if you don't want to- I'd made a promise to him before that I would take him to see the sharks and I wanted to honor that. If it's alright with you, of course."

"I'd really like that," she said as she gave him a soft smile. "Maybe sometime next week? I'm taking four days off to spend some time with him."

"Sounds good to me. What about you, kiddo? Want to go see some animals?"

"Yes!" he shouted, pumping his fist in the air and making the adults laugh.

"I have something for your mom, too. Though knowing her, she'll end up sharing it with you."

Ed handed her another present, which she unwrapped to find a box full of brigadeiros- her favorite little chocolate sweets from a Brazilian bakery in Soho. "Thank you, Ed. I haven't had these in forever."

"I made sure they were all your favorite flavors. The more chocolate, the better."

Olivia was getting a little overwhelmed by his surprise visit and all his thoughtful gifts, especially at a time when she would have understood if he hadn't even called to wish her a merry Christmas. "I'm going to get some coffee to drink while I sample a couple of these. Do you want some too?"

"Sure, that sounds great."

She rested her hands on the countertop as the coffee started brewing, facing the machine so that neither Ed nor Noah would be able to see the tears pooling in her brown eyes. Out in the living room, she could hear their quiet voices talking back and forth, probably checking out what Santa had brought her son. This was the true family Christmas that she had dreamed about. It was everything she wanted, and everything she wanted for Noah, but it wasn't real. Ed would go back to his place, and their relationship would go back to its uncertain state. She had let Noah down by taking away his chance to have a father he adored. She had let Ed down by not pulling her own weight in their relationship and making him do all the hard work while she shied away. Most of all, she had let herself down. Dating wasn't easy for a single mom, especially someone her age, and she felt like she was too old for casual short term boyfriends. She wanted somebody to grow old with. What if Ed could have been that person, but now it was too late? What if their time apart had made him decide that she wasn't worth the effort?

The coffee was ready, so she carried the two mugs into the living room and set them down on the end table beside the couch. "Noah, what's that in your lap? Did you find another present?"

He shrugged and giggled, turning toward Ed.

"It's for you, Liv. I asked him to hold onto it for me," Ed explained. "You can open it now if you'd like."

Olivia was a little confused as to why he had waited to bring out this gift, but she took the small box from Noah anyway. "You look awfully excited, pumpkin. Do you know what's in here?"

"Mmhmm!" he said with his hand over his mouth, trying to hold in his enthusiasm.

The box, which was about the size of her phone, had another even smaller box nestled inside it. "Ed, is this-"

"Go ahead, take a look."

She opened the dark purple velvet box to find a simple yet elegant diamond solitaire ring with a platinum band. It was the engagement ring of her dreams. "But- I don't understand."

"Olivia, hear me out?" She nodded, too shocked to speak. "I've had this for a while and kept holding onto it until I found the right time." She noticed he was fidgeting with his hands, something she had never seen him do before. Was the unflappable Ed Tucker actually nervous? "And hell, this might not even be it, but I've gotta take the chance now and hope it's not too late."

"Okay," Olivia said, nodding for him to keep talking. Noah wasn't sure what was going on, but he seemed to understand it was something important and so he stayed quiet and curled up in his mommy's lap.

"When I said that maybe you needed some space, I thought I was doing the right thing. I didn't want you to feel pressured, especially if our relationship wasn't making you happy. But then I realized-" He sighed and shook his head. "I realized maybe I was wrong. We've always fought for each other even when it wasn't easy. I know you're scared, because I know how many people have let you down before. I don't want to be another one of those guys. I want to prove that I'm still willing to fight for you, and for Noah, because you two are that important to me."

"Ed. I don't even know what to say," Olivia whispered, still in total disbelief.

"I know that maybe it's a little bit crazy, proposing to you like this when things have been rocky. And I'm in no hurry. If you need to think it over, that's fine. If you want a long engagement, that's fine too. All I want is for you to know how serious I am about the two of you." His uneasy expression finally gave way to a hopeful grin. "Noah and I had a chat about it when you were in the kitchen. Man to man. I told him that I know he's the most important guy in your life and he always will be, but if he did me the honor of sharing his mom with me, I'd do my best every day to make sure he and you were happy and taken care of."

"And what did he say?" Olivia asked with a tearful little laugh.

"I don't know, I don't speak dinosaur real well yet."

The two adults chuckled. "Noah, what do you think? Should we say yes to Mitter?"

"Yes Mitter," he said with a solemn nod.

"Then I guess it's settled! Are you going to let Mommy have her ring now?"

He dutifully handed the box back to Ed, and Olivia lifted her hand over Noah's head so that he could slip the band onto her finger. "I love you, Liv."

"I love you too." She leaned over, sandwiching Noah between the two of them as they shared their first kiss as an engaged couple. "Babe? Can I ask something?"

"Anything."

"When you said you bought the ring a long time ago, how long were you actually talking about?"

"Look inside the box. Underneath where the ring was." When she looked confused, he laughed. "I know you, Olivia Benson. I came prepared."

Sure enough, there was a folded up receipt at the bottom of the box. "Wait. But this is- we hadn't even officially been dating for a month then."

"That was all the time I needed," he said, shrugging and looking almost embarrassed. "After that it was just about getting up the courage to ask the question. But I knew you'd never believe me if I told you that, so I had to hold onto the evidence."

Noah had gotten bored with this grown-up conversation and picked up the candy box to help himself to a brigadeiro. "Noah, I see one's missing. Did you already have candy without asking Mommy?"

"Mitter gave to me," Noah said, pointing toward his soon-to-be father.

"He did?" Olivia pretended to be shocked. "He knows you're not supposed to have sugar after dinner."

"Come on, mom, give the poor kid a break. It's Christmas!" Ed teased.

"You two boys, I swear. Is this how it's always going to be? Good cop, bad cop?"

"Always," he promised her.

 _Always means always._


End file.
